Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
