i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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