fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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