We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm at about main and main street
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
