I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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