He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
