I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Randomize
