I can text with my tongue
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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