how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
