So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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