So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
