You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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