3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
