are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
