Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
