i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
