i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
