Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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