If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
