my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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