Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
