i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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