Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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