you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
3 2 1 whiskey
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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