I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
