so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
