I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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