suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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