you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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