I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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