I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
