I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
