Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize