I'm eating all of the evidence.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
