Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
