I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I've blown a few things in my day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
