We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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