maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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