Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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