So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
