she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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