And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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