after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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