I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
