Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
