I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im six kinds of drunk right now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
