if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
