My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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