from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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