I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
