I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
