why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
