she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
