Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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