and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
