It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
