To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
