i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
