Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
