Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
