I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize