u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
