i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
