so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
