My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
