butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
