I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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