I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
