dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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